Mmm...Food...

It has been brought to my attention that I talk about food too much. As I have mentioned in past posts, I have an incurable disease which has stopped responding to medical treatment. In a last effort at symptom improvement before life altering surgery, I read as many books as I could and discovered a limited diet that I could adopt that actually changed my life.

With a big unfortunately, that diet cuts out all foods dear to me. I no longer eat meat, dairy, fish, fried foods, caffeine, sugar, chocolate, coffee, and most of all, WHEAT products. Wheat and gluten are in everything. Soy sauce, twizlers, Crystal Lite drinks, soups, salad dressings, and a million other things that are other than the normal: Bread. Beer. Pancakes. Cakes. Waffles. Burritos. Pasta. Pizza. It's also used as a thickener and binding agent. Like in totts from Burger King. I have to take care and concern in eating out and grocery shopping takes an hour for a weeks worth of food usually. That's why I listen to my iPod in the store. Wheat causes me great pain and suffering.

I dream about the foods I can't have. I have a re-occurring dream about eating a footlong Philly Cheesesteake with mushrooms and no onions. I am experiencing eating the sub and a shapeless entity is telling me Cori Stop! It's going to make you so sick! But I continue to eat it, and then wake up with that WTF? feeling. I also have dreams about hot men feeding me desserts that I can't eat. Hell would be if I were to date a pastry chef.

On Sunday I start my detox. I am not looking forward to it, however I am looking forward to the feeling of 'this is as healthy as it gets for me' that I have after a detox. After this, I'm giving up night veggies too. These are potatoes, eggplant, and squash. I could give up corn, but I'd have to kill myself if I couldn't have chips and salsa at the Mexican places. Since I value my life, I don't see any reason to punish myself anymore. I already gave up cheese, which is considered self punishment, I think.

So yes, I do talk about food too much. But just think about it: if there is something in your life that you enjoy, and it is taken away from you because it causes you physical pain and suffering, don't you still miss it and in fact look at it with fond memories? When my friends order food that I can't eat or a patient gives us something that only the nurse gets to have, I like to ask them what it tastes like. I like to smell it too. Not like sniff all up on it or anything, but just smell the vapors of a passion of my past. At least I don't tell them I can't be around them eating food I can't have. The first detox was really hard. Not drinking anything but water and herbal tea, and still trying to go out with my friends. At one point I got tired of being designated driver, and as the chronic pain was lessening, I thought that having just one drink wouldn't hurt me. But I got a hold of myself and just didn't hang with them until the feeling passed. It doesn't bother me anymore.

I donate blood and platelets so much that there are plenty of weekends I don't drink. And get this shit- the Red Cross calls me yesterday and says that they have to cancel my appointment for donation Thursday because they can't use my blood. I think I heard her say that in slow motion You can't donate, we can't accept your blood. Yeah, that isn't exactly what you want to hear. Turns out that I have donated whole blood 5 times and platelets 5 times in 2006 and I needed to put a break between whole blood. I can still donate platelets no prob. Anyway, that's more important to me than getting wrecked.

Don't worry, the illness does not in any way effect the quality of my blood, or put the receiving person in any danger whatsoever. Promise. There have been tests. Where was I going with all this? Oh right, that I love food and I talk about it and I dream about it. But don't people always talk about things they want and can't have?